With Deep Heartfelt Gratitude

May the wings of the angels watch and protect you always! 18 Jan 2016, Contemplation, Wings of Love

 
​Spirituality is not an area unfamiliar to me.  I do not use the word religion because in spirituality, in every religion practice, I come to discern, the underlying universal root teaching is LOVE.  When religion moves away from love and focuses on personal agenda, becomes judgmental and is no longer from the place of love, as a result it creates division and discord, something is amiss.  I had been in the ministry long enough to witness what was going on.

​What is the difference in contemplation of the 30 days (I had 35 days) with Nita from the usual silent retreats and Buddhist meditations, chants and prayers I had in my childhood and younger days?

I by nature am a hyper active person. I remembered myself clearly when I heard music as a little girl, I would dance, shake and move to the rhythm of the songs.  And I still do.  I love dance.  I was in the sacred dance ministry, dancing for God, choreographing, ministering through dance, leading as a leader in the ministry.  This passion led me to both healing and became a dance therapist.  In dance movement therapy, I healed my trauma abuse and reconnected with my body again. I was disconnected with my body no doubt I was very much connected with my soul.  I remembered a friend with a psychic gift said to me once in my youth, that I was very far ahead spiritually however my physical self was still far behind. I did not understand him at that time but now I do. You can imagine how fragmented I was before.

​As a little girl, spirituality was already part of me, second nature first in Buddhism and then Catholicism.  Both have a very great impact on moulding who I am today.   After I healed my physical self, my soul kept calling me home for 2 years to integrate myself, to come home.  I ignored and was too busy with my work and study.  Until, my soul had to literally 'screamed' at me to stop by shutting my body down.  How hilarious it sounded.  Seriously, my body meant business at that time.  Wanted my full attention, to wake me up!  My body knew exactly how to get me to pay attention! Our body is such a wonder, full of wisdom if we choose to listen attentively and pay attention to our beautiful body God so ingeniously created.

It was just like in the silent retreats I had, I was reminded to heal my trauma again and again. The retreat was no doubt silence and even after meditating on scripture readings, in the silence, God speaks. You can also say the unconscious materials arise to the consciousness.  Actually, I knew it all along.  I just kept myself busy to cover and numb it.  I just did not want to go there and remembered the trauma.  I was by nature a very sensitive and insightful person because of my innate reflective nature. 

In Buddhism meditation, I struggled to sit still. It did not fit my moving nature self.  It was more of a torture than a help.  In fact, I grew resistance towards meditation.  How we experience a healing modality I like to put it break or heal a person. Thus, I wrote about the significance of how to hold space in all aspects.

Dance movement therapy speaks to me and had helped me to a certain extent even as a practitioner. I came to a point when I see that the aspect of the spirituality is missing. If you want to know more on the body, mind, heart and spirit, my former supervisor, Penny recommended a book on transpersonal dance movement therapy by Jill Hayes.  Jill Hayes had already crossed over to the other realm, she died of cancer.  I am thankful for my supervisor as she has guided me in my development and growth in my DMT field.  I am very grateful as I learnt a lot from her.  She is a gift.  (I had both online skype and face to face supervision with her as we lived in 2 different countries.)

​As I continued to search, as my soul called me more and more to come home, I reconnected with Nita and at the same time, reconnected with Celine, Authentic Movement teacher.  And that began my whole integration of my inner child maturing spiritually, integrating to my adult self and coming home to my true self, to LOVE, to God in me, me in God.

​Nita is a very creative and flexible spiritual director coach.  She goes with the flow with her directee. My approach and way of being is as such.  In this contemplation, unlike mediation, I dance, move, draw, rest, sit, lie on the floor to contemplate in silence.  I go with the flow.  This speaks better to me as I also work with my clients in this way. We go with the flow of our clients, attuning to their needs.  She is more than a spiritual director coach, she is also a spiritual mother. She is very rich in her knowledge and diversified in her experiences. Her gift from God is very intuitive. She dares to die to herself as she evolves.  I have not met an Asian who walks the talk and lives a life-work balance. 

​Even I had online call with her during my contemplation, I remembered very vividly once, I was crying and the love was overflowing over me as Nita asked me to be with myself for a moment of silence. God's outpouring love just flowed in, over and through me. My fear broke away and diminished.  I healed of the many layers of fear deeply embedded inside.  I return to where I feel the deep presence of God in me, I return to be fully presence and connecting with God again within. 

I had many amazing miracles and still have as I am undergoing Sabbatical. Not only just online but especially in the 10 days lived-in retreat. To be away, to be alone, to be in complete solitude and silence, to have a face to face direction with Nita.  Having gone through online and face to face contemplation retreats and lived in 10 days of 35 days, I know it works and making time to go away is a necessity. I still do so regularly to be in solitude, in silence and to be in the nature.  Contemplation has become a part of me, my way of life.

​Some of gifts I received during the 35 days especially the 10 days lived in retreat. 

I returned to art which was lost for many years.  I drew myself which I could not even draw a portrait.
​I received healing in a profound level. Deep healing. (Especially healing of fear)
​I am not afraid of loneliness because I see that I am never alone. 
​What I do now become effortless as I partnership with God.
I received the calling to be a spiritual mother, to be a spiritual director coach.
​I am who I am in whatever I do.
​I trust my life fully in God.
​I am blessed with peace, joy, bliss, contentment and love.
​I am one in union with God.

Thank you Nita, my soulful friend whom God has let our path cross.  Thank you Fr Bruno for connecting us.  I have known Nita as a friend for 10 years now.  We met up to catch up in different parts of the countries when our path happened to cross somehow.  She is a very kind loving generous soul who glows and radiates God's light and love.  One of the greatest gift in life is the gift of a true soulful friend.

I am blessed God has blessed me with wonderful souls.  I have very wonderful collaboration with them - my Ways of Seeing colleagues and amazing teacher - Suzi Tortora, Vadivu, Angela, Fiona and Agnes (based in UK), Felicia and the team from ADA research... and my mentee Wan Ting and learner, Tina who graciously took on the creative movement sessions in the hospice.  Thank You!  (There're still many more souls I want to thank for.)

No doubt I have chosen to walk a different path, each of them are doing marvellous great work in their own fields, making a difference and impact in the world! My blessings to you! Shalom!