The Mystery of Silence

Silence also is Wisdom,
A Flame hiding in Cotton Wool.
​~ Rumi

Returning home full, filled from heartful retreats in Rome, Assisi and in Orval Abbey in Belgium, I reconnected and connected with old and new companions.  My heart is full of deep gratitude. 

I never expect many to understand my faith or to understand the path I partake today.  I had and have faced 'persecution', rejection, judgement since the day I embrace Jesus.  Misunderstood many times as I continue to fall in love, stay in love, while trying to understand love, speak and live love personally, professionally and in ministry. 

I was and am drawn to heart, to his heart, to love, to silence.  A prayer I prayed at age 21 after conversion, in my silence,  I asked Jesus to reveal what was his sacred heart and listened in silence. Never did I know that Jesus revealed, reveals and still continues to reveal his sacred heart as I go deeper and deeper into silence over the years especially in 2015 when I returned to even more deep silence during my contemplation retreat. Today, it hits me - in my silence again - Silence is more than just silence.  Silence continues to reveal and unfold itself to me today. 

Silence is more than just silence.
Silence contains more than just silence.

To be in silence was hard for me at the beginning. However, the more I go into silence, I simply cannot help but fall in love with silence.

It was in silence as a little girl as I went inward, even in the midst of the melodious chants in the temple, I literally heard my own inner voice, thoughts, pain and struggles.
It was in silence at the age of 16, in the church for school mass, for the first time I felt peace, serenity bestowed upon me, as I felt drawn to knee down on my knees, bowed my head, entered in deep contemplation.
It was in silence I heard God whispering to me to seek help to heal my trauma.
It is in silence I listen deeply to my body and heart.
It is in silence I listen to the whispers of the Forest.
It is in silence I rest in the Love of God/Divine, Jesus and Mother Mary.
It is in silence, I find sanity.
It is in silence, I find courage.
It is in silence, I am inspired.
It is in silence, I am embraced, held by the infinite love of God/Divine, God saying again and again, 'My Beloved Child, I love you.'
It is in the silence, I fall in love again and again and find strength to stay in love.
It is in silence, that I see, hear, sense, feel, listen, cry, heal, love, embrace, laugh, rest...
It is in silence, I dare to be vulnerable, I dare to look within, … and to be and be;
It is in silence, with grace, I come in union with God/Divine as one.
It is in silence.
I continue to let Silence to unfold and reveal in itself. 
I simply fall in love with Silence and yearn more and more to in Silence.
The unexplainable mystery of Silence.


                                                                                                    ~~~~~~~~~~


Life has been unfolding for me in such a beautiful, profound way even at times it is challenging, especially to a new life, to a new path, to a new adventure. As the dying of self continues, peeling the conditioned layers of layers, in silence, she reveals and unfolds the hard core truth, sometimes so hard to swallow, yet comforting and relief when I enter into the place of the unknown.  These days, nothing is ever coincidence. Talk about synchronicity. We are all interconnected.  I am very grateful to be led me to amazing incredible souls.  For one is Nita's spiritual director, a Jesuit. To finally meet him in person. to hear him shared his wisdom from his loving compassionate heart, I can't but be moved and touched so deeply and awaken in me of God's Love in this Jesuit's life, and to witness his community is such a gift to me, in Rome. And that visit led me to a movie called 'Silence'. It hits me today in my daily contemplation - that Silence continues to reveal itself/herself.  Silence contains more than just pure Silence.  I find solace again in silence, of my new journey, as a human, of being fully human, of my new life and path I chose, to midwife and birth my new life.  

As the song, 'The Voyage' by Amanda Cook, in one of the 21 days of Poetry Online Therapy by Jenneth Graser, the song brought me comfort, tears, solace... the song resonates, affirms and speaks to the depth of my heart.

Speak even if your voice is trembling
Please you've been quiet for so long
Believe it'll be worth the risk you're taking

You're afraid
but you can hear adventure calling

There's a rush
of adrenaline to your bones

What you make 
of this moment
changes everything

What if the path you choose
becomes a road
The ground you take
becomes your home

The wind is high
But the pressure's off

I'll send the rain
wherever we end up
wherever we end up

Set your sights
sailing far beyond familiar 

In the rising tide
You'll find the rhythm of your heart

Lift your head
Now the wind and waves don't matter

What if the path you choose
becomes a road
The ground you take
becomes your home

The wind is high
But the pressure's off

I'll send the rain
wherever we end up
wherever we end up

I am the wind in your sail
I am the wind in your sail
I am the wind in your sail
I am the wind in your sail...

Know that it is an on-going journey, not forgetting we still come back to this world. Know that in silence, when we embrace her, we find rest, healing, comfort, solace, love... in silence.  

Deep gratitude I come home to Silence, to the safe place I can be myself, my true self, anytime, anywhere, and to be in silence is not necessary all the time easy as we hear deeply what lies within us - yet I trust.  The Ignatian Spiritual exercises I embody in my 20s, in the 35 days contemplation retreat, the continuous retreats I commit myself to in spiritual direction; and the daily contemplation in silence, help me to walk the journey on this pilgrim as a human in God/Divine. 

Are you willing to experience silence, to let silence reveal her mystery?
To embrace and embody silence in your daily life?

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