Artist Sacred Dancer Author
Mama of Sanctuary Forest Wild Garden
Mama of Sanctuary Forest Wild Garden
What happen after the 30 days of Ignatian Silent Retreat till now?
Some may know that I'd undergone a 35 days silent retreat online (include 10 days face to face) with Nita. That was my journey in December of 2015. This morning as I contemplated, the image of one of the imaginative prayer came to me.
Imagining myself in the 3 days after Jesus died and before he was resurrected. What happened during the imaginative prayer in the 30 days was only the beginning of my entering into the darkness, to hell with Jesus. I commit myself every morning to contemplation, resting in God, in silence, in prayer however the morning is going to flow. I call it the process of my journey in spirituality continues.
Jesus actually opens the gate of heaven from hell. He opens the light into the darkness. It is not just during our transition when we die in our physical body and our soul enters into the light. I have read near death experience by the Linns and that gave me insights into the transition. There's a part called review of our lives - What we have done and did on Earth. Often many are transformed when they returned even people like murders for example, those who committed evil - they are thoroughly transformed as they reviewed their lives - because they literally lived the experience of what they did to others unto themselves when they were human. Perhaps this is what in Buddhism term as Karma. That literally awakens them up when they woke up from their near death experience in the other realm.
I read Anita's book 'What if this is Heaven?' I see that Heaven is given to us already on Earth. Jesus's resurrection is not meant only during our death period to enter into the heaven, the other realm. In fact, Jesus brings good news that he has already transformed the darkness into light for us on Earth as a human. I always write, 'It is a matter of choice.' Do we want to continue to stay in the darkness or do we want to enter into the light? I also see the Saints like St John of the Cross as he was at his deepest pit in prison - they call it 'Dark night of the Soul', I have not experienced it myself however I sense that at the most deepest darkest darkness in our human life, the light of Jesus or God enters without us knowingly, complete surrender, letting go of everything, that's where God can truly fully enter and the transformation arises. It is like when the humanness is 'broken', only then we can be fully transformed. I can understand because I did gone through healing in a most intense manner that I ever had in my life.
I find myself undergoing the journey deeper and deeper. Peeling layers of my conditioned belief system can be hard, tough, uncomfortable as a human (I choose it by the way). Like yesterday evening, I sensed my anger again - when I had the feeling arising - I know my anger is trying to tell me something. As I talked to my husband articulating what was inside me as we arrived in a park, sitting down, noticing my feeling at that point of time, in our evening walk. When towards before bed time - I acknowledged to my husband there is something deeper inside that wants to wake up. But I don't know what it was. I have come to a place I don't need to know what it is, I let it be, unfold by itself. What is most important is the acknowledgement of what was going on within me and not judging myself however loving towards myself in the process. I found myself able to laugh and enjoy the rest of the evening rather than letting the anger overwhelm me. I notice these days my feeling no longer eats me up or stays there for a very long time like anger, sadness, fear... Whenever I let it speak to me, I find it just go away when I acknowledge and love my feelings and myself and allow myself room to express my feelings. I fully trust something will birth from it. As it always does.
So I see Jesus resurrection, giving us New Life, Light into the darkness is truly a gift. The Ignatian spiritual exercises imaginative prayer helps me to enter into contemplation and has become very natural now. I'm not the kind to remember bible scripture off the head - however - the story of Jesus set very deep impression on me - maybe I had spent some years in bible study during my early 20s, reading the bible earnestly, knowing who Jesus and God is. Somehow some bible scripture just remains in my memory ever since and it just evolves along the years in my journey. I ever wrote perhaps I may have some traits of autism - remembering things where most do not remember. The gradual silent Ignatian retreats set the pace along the years until I was called to do the 30 days retreat and I was ready and open. It was transformative and is transformative till today. Now being a spiritual director/companion/coach, my calling, I enter deeper and deeper into the gift of contemplation in Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. What is beautiful is my recent visit to Rome where I met Nita's spiritual director. What I took home is the original image of Scared Heart of Jesus and the translation of one of the text of St Ignatius wrongly translated was shared by her SD, to see it in real copy. Our soul will nudge us when something seems amissed. I totally understand this feeling. Until clarity comes. This Jesuit priest in his 70s spent years trying to figure this particular text yet it did not make sense. God is amazing! God hears us! And right there, he found the answer to his confusion of this missed translated text. I teared as he shared because it spoke right into my heart, soul and whole being. A word changes everything! Yes it does! That is how powerful a word is!
Thus, the gift of the 35 days has transformed me again and again till today. The transformation continues. Deep gratitude that I listened to my yearnings of my soul and for the gift of Nita guiding and training me. To be called to do the 30 days for retreatants now is a dream I never ever seem possible. I never ever dreamt it in the first place. It just happened. The calling is clear. And I said, 'Yes' to God. Bring it on! I smiled in my morning contemplation for the beautiful gift of this calling God has bestowed upon me. I'm ever so grateful! I was at first sceptical of myself that I was good enough, no longer, no more. I gracefully receive this beautiful gift so I can accompany others and let God transform each soul and that each shines the brightest light of love as each transforms in his/her personal journey with God, Jesus and Mary.
* Listen to the other stories of 2 interview of retreatants of their own 30days silent retreat at our You Tube channel if you have missed.
Nita and I are open to receive retreatants who want to do 30days retreat. The requirement is to do the 8days first and after a discernment whether you are called to do the 30days. We also offer 8days online webinar as a taster of the 30days on our website. We also offer training after if you are called to be a spiritual director/companion/coach. We invite you to write to us if your soul is calling you to this contemplation journey. The retreat is universal, open to all faiths and with no faiths.
Shalom! Blessings! Love To you!