A little boy named 'Thomas'... ...

My Inner Child & Adult Self

​“The soul is healed by being with children.”
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky 

My drawing of self in stick form

Children have a vey special place in my heart.  I always see the purity of love in the heart of children.  I find myself connecting heart to heart, soul to soul, being with them. They are like a window to my own soul.

​Recently, Jeroen and I went to Efteling, an attraction park in Netherlands with my family in law.  It has been a long time since my father-in-law went there. After the passing of my mother-in-law 7 months ago, my father-in-law made a wish to visit places they dreamt to go and places they once brought their children when they were little ones.

​I hardly went to the attraction park as a little girl, only a fun fair during the Chinese New Year.  It's a very rare treat. I have visited the Efteling a few times and have not been there for quite a while.  Though the weather was cold and drizzling, I witnessed and encountered little children who once again ignited my little inner girl, my inner child within.  As I contemplated a while ago, I smiled remembering this very special boy I met in Efteling.   His name is Thomas. 

​Thomas as I later learnt as his father called him touched my heart. He reminds me of being courageous, fearless, playfulness, curiosity, joyful, purity, innocence... ...

​I was walking along the path and the cold caught onto me.  I started to cough.  Suddenly, I heard a small little cough echoing behind me in close proximity.  I turned my head to look, to my amusement, I discovered a tiny little boy, maybe 3 years old, titling his little head, looking up at me smiling.  Our eyes met.  I see his joyful eyes sparkled, his whole face lit up with a glow, smiling at me.  I smiled back and he ran off, laughing cheekily.  Again, I coughed, and he coughed back, imitating me either from afar or running close up behind me again.  Jeroen who was walking besides me witnessed the exchanges between Thomas and I.  We broke into laughter and I said, "Hello!" when he was behind me and it became a game between Thomas and I.  He just laughed and smiled, running off to hide himself.  This continued for a while as we walked on until his daddy called him.  We were so amused by the little one! And I had such a good fun playful moment with him.  

​The image of this little one came to me as I contemplated in my prayer.  Images of the little ones flowed one after another.  I remembered encountering another little girl whose eyes were full of awe and wonder while she looked at me with her big wide smile, full of presence.  And the other little ones were fascinated by each musical mushroom on the path.  They spontaneously put their head, resting on the mushroom and enjoying the music as if the world has come to a stop and they are being enchanted by the alluring of the music!  That is how the enchanted garden is!  It is full of children's Enid Bryton stories and it's like walking through an enchanted forest! It is indeed magical and enchanted! 

​My heart and soul sings with joy and grateful for the little children.  I feel so connected to my little girl, my spiritual little inner child within again.  I remember my journey healing myself and how I find my little girl again. The memory brought tears to my eyes.  I am grateful that my adult self and my inner child is one, integrated finally.  Because of the integration, a divine gift is restored and given to me - the visibility of my self, coming home to my true self, to love.  

​I realise I was so invisible that I could not even draw myself. Each time I tried to draw a human in my art class in Secondary school, I felt stuck. In 2015, when I was back to exploring art again. I still could not draw a human but in human sticks form.  At that point of time, I didn't understand why but felt this sadness deep within.  My soul keeps calling me home.  I cannot ignore anymore.  I finally listen and continue my healing journey in Authentic Movement and Silent Retreat Contemplation. 

​Today, I feel ready to show some of my drawings of self in my journey.  Thank you Thomas and the little ones, your courage and fearlessness and being who you are, reminds me of who I am. Your love, joy and presence give me the courage to show up, to blog this, to inspire others to come home, to heal our inner child, to integrate our inner child with our adult self, to love. to God/divine.  Now my drawing is becoming effortless as I let myself flow and let my soul inspire me and my hand in my art.  

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My Art emerges after Contemplation. 

Infant Self

 



I draw my infant self after
a contemplation
​during the 8 days retreat. 

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My little Gal

 


​Suddenly, I felt led to draw my little gal after contemplation prayer and my first breakthrough of drawing self. 

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I see myself in an adventure during my contemplation.

My Angel & Inner Girl