Artist Sacred Dancer Author
Mama of Sanctuary Forest Wild Garden
Mama of Sanctuary Forest Wild Garden
A fully integrated self is a matured integrated self.
One who takes responsibility for self, for own well-being.
One who knows what is good for self.
One who knows how to take care of self.
By listening to body, mind, heart and spirit.
One who takes and set limits and boundaries when needed
By taking care of self, we also take care of others around you.
Setting boundary has been a theme for me for since 2006 when I studied Dance Movement Therapy.
The more I dive deeper, especially last year, the more I gain deeper insight into setting boundary.
I gain another deep insight on setting boundary on the first day of New Year.
I was very tired from the weekends and the constant fireworks throughout the whole night.
I had broken sleeps throughout the night, woke up a number of times and startled by the loud bangs.
Jeroen could feel my body in shock. My body reacted with a jerk. That was how sensitive I am towards noise.
I could literally feel I was subconsciously awake. Though I seemed like sleeping but actually I was not.
I could feel the next day the overhaul tiredness from lack of sleep in the day.
Contemplation, prayer and morning mass helped me to sustain.
However when it hit the afternoon, my physical body even my mind was crying out loud, "Exhaustion".
I felt it in my body. The dull heaviness throughout my body and mind.
I knew right away I had to take a break and rest.
That evening we were supposed to go to my father-in-law.
However I needed a rest.
We had visited and spent quality time over the weekend and also after mass.
Now I need to look after myself.
I told my husband that I needed to rest and breathing space.
And could not hold up anymore for the evening.
I rested. And spent a very quiet afternoon with relaxing music. And just did nothing.
In the evening before bed, I felt my energy back.
As we were sharing our grateful prayers, I began to see the clarity of setting boundary.
It is not just for myself but also for the ones around me like my husband especially.
I also come to fully understand why people get stressed, frustrated, irritated, angry...
When we do not meet our own needs, we are not able to fully meet other's needs.
If I would to be there in the evening, I would not be able to be myself and be fully presence.
I would become irritated with myself and Jeroen.
I know my own patterns when I cross my own boundary, I start to bite at Jeroen.
By understanding myself deeply of my own patterns, know what I can take and cannot take, what are my limits and threshold, not forgetting I am a human being, not a Saint. I am very mindful that I would not repeat the pattern. By the continuous practise of saying "No", I break all the patterns.
I listen and attune attentively to my body, emotion and spirit. All these years of turning inwards enable me to listen very acutely to myself. I thank for the gift of sensitivity.
My body always gives me the first indication when I am very tired.
Body holds the innate wisdom if we listen compassionately to.
Why I say compassionately?
Because most of the time,
we get the signal from our body.
But we choose otherwise,
to push and not listen.
Instead of paying attention
to what we need at that point of time.
To lovingly and compassionately
take what we need like rest or a breathing space.
This is actually an act of being responsible for self.
In fact it is maturity when we act upon it for self rather than projecting our needs or taking it out on someone.
That is loving self unconditionally.
Children are not able to do that yet thus they need our support and guidance until they reach maturity.
Thus, the more adults need to look after themselves so they can be for their children.
Whereas as adult, we can take and be responsible for self.
I'm very happy with myself.
Setting boundary has been a process and progress in the past years.
It became easier and had never been easy.
The Sabbatical period has enabled me to be consciously mindful and practise my boundary setting.
To find myself now very naturally and comfortable in setting boundary.
Instead of pushing myself and pleasing others, I love myself unconditionally by first looking into my own needs.
And that prevents the cycle of anger towards myself and Jeroen.
I rather be fully presence and give love with my whole being when I am with someone than being half-heartedly. and doing it for the sake of doing it out of obligation or duty. But out of love, unconditional love with ease, grace and flow.
I choose to live life with love and joy.
A good beginning of the first day of New Year!
A New Matured Integrated Self, A New Born Me who love self unconditionally!
* I'm inspired in and through my own journey as I walk to live to my true self. I want to empower you too!
I'm offering a workshop in Singapore in February on Embodied Active Listening - On Setting Clear Boundary.
Come and join me!
Shalom! Blessings! Love To you!